In Nigeria, to win the presidential election you will have to do the following:
1. Do not participate in any election debate (OBJ 2003, Yardua 2007, GEJ 2011, GMB 2015)
2. Ensure you have Tinubu, Lion of Bourdilllon aka Jagaban on your side (OBJ 2003, JEG 2011, GMB 2015)
3. Have a very fat bank account but more importantly, spend WISELY (emphasis on wisely, ask PDP 2015)
4. Avoid loud mouths like Femi Fani Kayode, Reuben Abati, Doyin Okupe, Mama Peace, Ayo Fayose, Asari Dokubo, Nollywood pretenders etc
5. Take counsel and prophesies from sycophantic pastors and prophets with a pinch of salt (Ask GEJ 2015).
6. Engage grassroots support and not just elitists (Ask Kayode Fayemi 2014).
7. Be dogged and never give up (GMB 2003, 2007, 2011 and 2015).
8. Be careful in fully believing what some ethnic nationalist groups promise you (Afenifere, OPC, Ohaneze Ndigbo, Arewa etc). Many of them will turn out to likely stab you behind (GEJ / PDP 2015).
9. Make sure your wife speaks well in public at all times otherwise, kindly SHUT HER UP (GEJ 2015).
10. Don't ever show the world that you are CLUELESS. At worst, pretend that you know (GEJ 2015)
11. Be careful when you decide to bite fingers that put you in power. If you must, then make sure you take off their power & influence (GEJ & OBJ 2015)
12. Never renege on your promises. They may come back to haunt you (GEJ 2011 single tenure promise). Well, you can renege if ONLY you are sure of victory. Lol. (GMB 2011, I will not contest again if I lose this election)
13. Avoid abracadabra mathematics where 16 is greater than 19 (Governor's forum), 7 is greater than 21 (Ekiti State) etc
14. Most importantly, be a man of faith and believe in your God. Be known for who or what you are. Just comical and not meant to spite or mock anyone or any group.
Lol... Just for laughs!
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